It will bite your ass

For Thanksgiving we ate turkey.  It was nothing out of the ordinary and of course it was delicious like an iced soda.  As we gathered, my mama asked us all to share something we are grateful for.  " People don't count.  Neither does this food," she added.  Often, I have a hard time expressing serious things  like this in front of a group.  I would really rather not do activities like this and instead, I can just ponder the things I am grateful for inside my head.  Things I like.  Since my outer character is more outgoing than my inner, repressed self, the cake goes to being shallow and easy.
My mama went first.  She said she is grateful for being able to text, because she feels closer to her kids now that she can do it.  I manage to look passed the fact that every text I get from her has an empty attachment included in it.  My sister expressed her thankfulness for her baby and her husband.  By this point, I figured the rules were out the window since Amy broke them. So, I felt okay about expressing my love for television.  I even told the story about having cable in our previous apartment and then, when we had our service transferred over to our new place we got something like a "Premium Excellence Package" that included something like one hundred channels.  I watched so much TV that month, knowing I had to take advantage of the time, because I also knew it wouldn't last. Then it did end. The cable company found the "mistake" in their service and quickly fixed the "error."  No more "American Chopper" for me.  Man, I loved that show! 
My brother then opened his heart, flushed my moms rules down the pooper and spoke sweetly about his appreciation for his wife and being able to be a papa.  Imagine how I felt for following the rules and feeling "so" grateful for basic cable television.  I felt like an idiot! As if I had a booger the the size of Texas was relaxing on my lower lip drinking an iced cola on spring break in Mexico.  Or getting a really long pinky nail caught in the dishwasher.  Or  having a sleepover at a friend of a friend's house and waking up to find you wet their sheets, because we both know you are the the kind of person who brings their own sheets to slumber parties.  You know, something like that.  It went real quiet and as we listened to him, we all felt close to tears and I know we all shared a whole humble pie thanks to Erik and his rule-breaking giving thanks technique.  It was a big pie.  I was given an extra large slice of that humbleberry pie and after what I thought was the whole piece, actually turned out not to be.  The rest of it grew teeth, an anus, claws, then climbed down my back and bit me in the ass.  Why couldn't I have been grateful for the sunshine,  doing well in school, or soft and strong toilet paper?  No.  That would be too easy..
Anyway, I learned a valuable lesson that day-  never break rules or you will really get it in the butt.  The turkey and everything was so great.  -No surprise.  I must have eaten me three plates in under fifteen minutes!